The man you can't remember. The man I cant forget.Friday, April 14, 200611:22AMOh the dreams I've been having lately. Last night I dreamt that I attended some party and ran into Bishop from Alien. He wouldnt let me ride this weurd carousel ride that moved around like the tilt a whirl. He said that only girls could because they attracted business so i get frustrated and am instantly home. Theres a knock at the door and its the same guy. Hes looking down at the ground and asks if he can use the bathroom. I called him an "asshole" so he explained that the more women he gets on his ride the more it will attract business. I say we'll that makes your business only women if your not letting the guys get on the ride?" We came to some weird agreement and then I woke up and for some reason I felt like crap. Oh well i guess. Tuesday, April 11, 20067:06PM - I hate Spring.Sick as shit from all this pollen. Claritin isn't doing anything. Feel really wierd unsure why? Wish bad things would stop happening to people i care about. Still confused but, dead center about what I want. There are plenty of people to thank for that. Tuesday, March 21, 20068:07AM - Rest in PeaceI really can't take an animal dying or suffering. Last night I was up pretty much the whole night. My dog couldnt even lay down he was afraid of dying. I watched his eyes slowly close as he got weaker and weaker. Couldnt stop crying. He didnt want to go. I finally past out and woke up at 5 am he was still fighting. We took him outside at six. He went outside took his last breathe and he died. Ill miss him. He took care of my dad all the time. He would lay beside the couch and watch tv with me when i was depressed but, he was old and thats what old animals do. I just really wish it couldve been another year. Current mood:  sadTuesday, March 14, 20069:13AMAll Im really trying to do is get back to who I was before all of this. Then start all over again. I think Im doing pretty well all these changes have actually made it a lot easier. Im really trying to go overseas again. I need to start looking for a second job so I can make that possible. Im trying to go on this Iceland/Russia excursion in like late september. I wish I could go in April. I really need to get out of this country for a bit. Sunday, March 12, 200611:37AM - Hes coming to.I'm really starting to come out of my funk. I went out and got my gym membership today. Called a few places to check on apartments. Some things seem more obvious than others and I should take them as such instead of questioning if they really are. I'm just not worried anymore after a short nights sleep last night. I came up with the conclusion that you'll never really know when something is completely real you just have to rely on it till in the end it finally proves you wrong. Current mood: Together Current music: The Vejtables- I still love you. Saturday, March 11, 200610:30PMFound a Roomie. Now I need to find a place. That place on Wolf Street was a total shit hole. Yeah this week was stressing but i feel like i got a lot accomplished. Tommorow im going to get a membership and once again Ill be lifting with charles at 6 am. Man this is going to be hell but i cant wait to get that body back. Ate at Brian's brothers tonight. Holy crap Ive never eaten so much food. My stomache hurts so bad. Wednesday, March 8, 20069:08AMSlept like a brick last night. I really wish I had a camera because all I want to do is have something to remember things by. Buying a camera is new to me. Saturday, March 4, 20063:31PM - That last post was childish.Its over. I guess thats all i can really say. I cant say anything else i just have to go through this and move on. Monday, January 9, 2006Monday, January 2, 20064:59PM - Hurrah.What a year all the way to the end. Tons of experiences. Over all a life lived. Looking forward to this year. Saturday, December 10, 200511:02AM - More Great NewsSo yesterday I went and had my tires fixed and realigned. Well one of the tires didnt seal properly and its quite possible that the rim is bent. I called my insurance agent today and she said that she can send an agent out in the next 48 hours just to look at it. Well at least im getting my entire front bumper fixed. Foglight paint dent. What a fucking year this ending with. I guess I had a pretty good year before everything though. Friday, December 9, 20052:39PM - SleddingIsnt it funny how 30 miles an hour a hill and an icey road can make for the worst tobogganing of your life. I was lucky me or my passenger wasnt hurt. I missed work today. I paid an assload for brakes, tires, and alignment even with the deal i got. Im really beginning to think im the most unlucky person in the world. Oh well fuck it its going to happen whether you want it to or not. Scott got back from Australia the day before yesterday. We're probably hitting up Georgetown tonight or something. Should be a blast. Mary and her brother are really cool. It seems like they're having a good time in the US. Its nice to get out of the house more lately Im starting to feel better. I love leaving town lately its relaxing sometimes. Current music: New Order- Subculture Thursday, December 1, 20059:23AM - To be rememberedIve had to tear out a large fleshy peice of my heart. I really respect the people that have been there for me and been nice about it despite their personal feelings. How do I start over? I dont know what to do now. Love just seems like a huge lie. At least I actually got to give all of it to somebody I cared about. Man its going to be hard to start dating again. I really thought this was it but when she left we just werent the same. Speaking for myself I was in a lot of pain. Sometimes theres only one person in this world for you and you get confused by the first girl with pretty eyes who youve known for a huge portion of your life and you set yourself in and say this is the one. Its hard to be wrong in this nature it really feels like your skin is being peeled off. You want that last conversation, that last kiss, that last little bit of sentiment but, you cant have it because, once the love has left one person your alone in the galaxy and everything around you that once made you happy gets this thick grey coating on it. This is the first time ive ever really been in love for the whole of it. Maybe I wont be bitter forever. I was an ass to her at times for good reasons i thought but, sometimes i really went too far. If you love something let it go and see if it comes back to you. I've never decided to repersue anybody no matter how amicable the breakup or departure or whatever but, I will say this even though i hate it now Ill remember this for the rest of my life. I hate that now i have to supress and block it out. I cant remember that i ever had these feelings because if i do its just a series of crying jags, suicidal thoughts, complete manic episodes. I wouldve given ANYTHING just for one more chance to touch her. Id relive one of my worst memories even seeing hanson. My favorite memories are: Being shacked up in a room in Baltimore or a night in aquia when we just wanted to get out of town(that was one of the most romantic nights of my life.) I just really wish i knew how to deal with this better because I dont want to write her off. Id really like to skip the guy shes living with across a lake. I think I have very good reasons. I wish i couldve been upstairs when he called me a "pushover" so i couldve just driven my fist right into his jealous untrustworthy not to mention untrusting face. You cant keep a girl locked away like a trinket but, this isnt about him this is about her. Latley I cant recall a moment without her. Im sorry for the nights I stood up my friends. It really felt like time was limited so I took every moment. I even went as far as to say that i would marry this one in the end. I really wouldve she was good to me while she was here and she didnt take any of my shit. Rule 1: dont leave your shoes in the walkway. Rule 2:Dont put your hands in front of your face or move them around ecstatically when you talk. Rule 3:Never give up because shes already waiting for you to stop acting like a jackass. Except this time. Man I really did it. So many firsts with this girl and i wont go into those. I miss looking. I remember every part of her from between her toes to the part in her hair. All this time. All these moments. and now i have to start all over again... Current mood:  nervousWednesday, November 16, 20051:57AM - Im sorry if Im whiningThis is really very hard and It will take a little time to re-adjust. Life just seems pretty fucked up right now like, if something great happens its just going on abuse me later. You know i waited the last time when i was told "Dont worry you'll be suprised." Well when i finally got it it wasnt to be had. Theres no happy median. There are no sacrifices. I just have to desensitize for a while. Im not heartless, in fact I have an overabundance warm stomache turning passion. I dont know what to do with myself. I dont want to see or be with anybody else for forever. At least I feel free like a can go whenever i please. Theres nothing to look forward too anymore at least thats how i feel right now. I wish i had some pills. Some people cant be replaced. Some people slowly fall away from you. Current mood: scaredFriday, November 11, 20051:55AM - Like hellI really didnt think it was going to be this hard. The entire day was painful. It only took 1/2 a mile between the drop off point for everything to spike. I miss her so much. I worry about her on the road and if she's ok. Im not but, Im doing the best that i know how. I hope that shes sleeping well and excited about her new life. I wish that I was laying next to her or tuckng her in for the night. The best part is im so exhausted ill pass out somewhere. What a week. Saturday, October 22, 20057:53PM - You said it buddy"It doesn't matter whether you're selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or 'How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down.' That doesn't make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it's not a conversation anymore; it's a pitch. And you're not a human being; you're a marketing rep."-Phil Cooper "The Big Kahuna" Tuesday, September 13, 200512:06PMMy Entire world is going to change in a matter of days. I guess im not ready for it but, I guess I'll live. right? I've been trying to prepare for it but, there is no way do that there is no conditioning of the spirit. Friday, September 9, 20059:32AMMan, I am really looking forward to pop-noise. Itll be great to get out of town for a while. Im glad things smoothed over and i got to know chris better. I actually had a great time at fatty's last night with everybody. You really realize you know some great people after you sit down and talk to them. What a powerfull night, I slept like a baby. Wednesday, September 7, 20057:22PM - Quite Variable.What the fuck is up with people why cant they mind their own fucking business. Id like one fucking normal day. Where one person isnt making an awkward situation for somebody else. A and B live in a house. C and D in another and E and F in yet another. B goes out one night and meets up with D. D talks shit about A. Then later D talks shit to E. F overhears this and asks B what the hell hes doing living with A. Meanwhile while E was talking shit with D, E takes a walk over to chat with A. B later heres shit from E and F as well. Then goes back home to A. AND ON AND ON AND ON! WHO GIVES A FUCK! Its their fucking business and all the shit talking in the world or sabotage isnt going to change at least B's point of view. A and B live in a house. C and D in another and E and F in yet another. Saturday, September 3, 2005Navigate: (Previous 20 entries) |
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